Can't Handle This
by Miss Nihilist
Summary: It's New Year's, and the kiss that Karkat wants most is the one he can't have. (DaveKat oneshot)


**A/N: I'm not happy, so I figured that everyone else should join me and wrote this in 30 minutes.**

* * *

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you don't remember how you ended up getting drunk, but it's apparently a thing that's happened.

How you haven't run into anything yet is a mystery to you, but you're stumbling and slurring your words and far more cheery than you allow yourself to be while sober. Everywhere you look is just people and people and more people. Where are you? You forget. The sea of bodies is strangely calming, and you don't try to fight it. You just let it lead you along, closing your eyes and just feeling the moment.

A party. That's where you are - you're at a party. But celebrating what, you aren't sure. It can't be just New Year's alone. You're in a suit and tie (somehow still miraculously unstained), which is far too formal for just a New Year's party. But… God, you can't remember what you're doing here. It hurts your head to think about it too much, so you convince yourself that it doesn't matter, despite the nagging sensation in your gut.

"Hey!" Roxy calls for attention, and the thumping music is turned down to manageable levels as all attention turns to her. She's smiling - a huge, bright expression that takes up half of her face. "The ball is going to drop!" She gestures at the TV screen, where the feed from New York's Times Square is on display. It's not live - you don't live in New York - but it gets the crowd hyped up again all the same.

 **10**

Shit. It's New Year's, which means that, due to social convention, you need someone to kiss. Why it's that way, you don't know, nor do you understand. But you _do_ have someone on your mind, but where is he? He was in your line of sight just a moment ago.

 **9**

You're fighting the mass of people now, turning around and around frantically as you search for him. The dizziness isn't just from the alcohol anymore, but it doesn't matter, because he's there.

 **8**

Dave Strider, standing across the room and shouting out the countdown along with everyone else. You love his smile - how happy and radiant he looks when he isn't worried about keeping up his guard. He's wearing a suit too, and you get the feeling that it should bother you, but it doesn't. He looks great in it. He looks great in everything.

 **7**

Your vision narrows into tunnel vision as you struggle to get over to him in time. Everyone else has already paired up it seems. Roxy has her arm hooked with John's in an unbreakable hold, and Rose and Kanaya are getting ready for their third New Year's kiss together as a married couple. Everyone has somebody, except for you and Dave, it seems.

 **6**

You freeze. Dave isn't as alone as you thought.

 **5**

Terezi. You didn't notice her before - Dave's arm secure around her waist as they laugh.

 **4**

You don't bother trying to get close to him anymore.

 **3**

You remember why you're wearing a suit.

 **2**

You remember why you were unhappy enough to drink your sorrows away in the first place.

 **1**

Dave lets out a hoot of laughter, pulling Terezi into a kiss that's more teeth and tongue than anything. John gets out of his kiss with Roxy to shout, "I now pronounce you husband and wife!" before he's back to sucking face with his girlfriend. He took a class online just to legally be able to marry off his best friend. Neither Dave nor Terezi wanted a traditional wedding. They thought that this would be more… fun. You fail to see how anything about this event is enjoyable in the least.

 **0**

Your time is up. You stare blankly as Dave pulls back for air. You try to ignore the way your gut twists at the way they're staring at each other. It's love - and you would know. It's the way you stare at Dave. And the way that you thought he could look at you, too. But then they met, and try as you might, you couldn't ignore the longing way she gazed at him. So when Terezi asked you to hook them up, you couldn't refuse. He can make her happy, and vice versa. Who are you to come in between the happiness of your best friends? No - it's better this way. Even the feeling of having your heart ripped out isn't as strong as it used to be. Their first kiss, the dates they've dragged you along with, Dave's proposal- they all hurt painfully. You don't know how many nights you've spent crying into Kanaya's chest while she holds you - how many nights you've spent knelt over the toilet and trying desperately to throw up just so that your body would stop shaking with how completely it rejected the idea of them being together.

You don't realize you're crying until Dave happens to glance over at you and his expression twists into an emotion you know far too well. Pity. You don't need it from him. You only ever needed one thing from Dave, and he gave it to someone else. You turn and push your way out of the building (Terezi and Dave's house, your mind dimly reminds you). It's freezing outside, so cold that it burns, but you love it. You want it to freeze your tears even as they burn their way down your cheeks. You want- fuck, you just want so _badly_ to have been the person down on one knee. You could have made him so happy.

Your legs can't support your weight anymore, so you let them drag you to the ground, your knees throbbing distantly as they hit the ground. Blankly, you recognize Kanaya coming outside and putting an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close and shushing you softly. She tells you that it's okay - that everything will work out - and you tell her through choked sobs to stop lying to you. She doesn't say anything else.

Everybody has somebody. Everybody, of course, except you.


End file.
